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Hi All,

I'm no petrol head to start with. I bought a used Mazda 6 2015 automatic 2.2 diesel car last year after around 7 months the SCBS forward malfunction light came on. The car juddered a few times. This came out of nowhere. Crapped myself. Was I about to die, was my car possesed or was this a horror movie and someone forgot to tell me?. There were no cars in front of mine. The sun was licking the tarmac but not dazzling in any sense. My window screen, apart from a few suicidal insects that were depressed or had one two many and decided to headbutt the glass to see the outcome, and we all know how that ends. Have they not watched A Bugs Life?, was well cleanish with a light sprinkling of dust built up either side of the front windowscreen where the wipers arms extend to, after performing some riguroius exercise for the amuesment of the lonley bored driver counting endless miles on the not to forgiving British roads, junctions and moterways whilst the music is and on radio belts out AC/DC Highway to Hell . Anyway Christine (my car) has completed roughly 60000 miles. Like many others have done countless times before me, I stopped the car, cursing and thanking God at the same time, disclamer there are other Gods out there. I waited got my breath back made sure that my heart had returned from my mouth. I paused for a moment, I drew breath slowley held my breath for three seconds then slowley exhaled. Heart rate back to normal. I extended my index finger out slowley, steadly controling the slight quiver, towards the deep glossy black start/stop goddess.. My foot steadly but nervously slowley extending and getting ready to push down the slighty dirty matt black plastic grooved covered pedal. Then I completed what a few moments ago, which seemed like the unthinkable, unimaginable and almost impossible I press that deep, black start/stop goddess button which few could resist. At last Christine was on, purring like a fluffy 4 month old kitten. I let out a gasp of air and a smile on my face appeared out of sheer relief. No SCBS malfunction glowed on my dash.. Smooth and silky drive home. A few weeks later, Christine did the unthinkable.

She must have been mad at me, what did I do wrong? did I not clean her interior good enogh? did I leave it too long between getting her streamline silver smooth body waxed? I racked my brains panicking, I could not think what I had done to upset her. Please no I beg you dont SCBS malfunction me, not that again. She didnt listen she never does now. Christine decides and Christine does. Both times now on the motorway. Christine randomly performs this stunt no matter what environmental conditions she drives. I phoned Mazda behind Christine's back and he stated "Its still safe to drive" with an menacing mocking laughter. Is he in with her?. Christine has been having more and more episodes lately but with DPF needs cleaning now illuminates from behind the see through Perspex dash protective cover. I stop. I turn on the button she drives then goes all SCBS malfunction again. I've had enough, I cant take nomore, its like Deja vu, ground hog day, I'm at the end of my tether with her. I want to get rid but everytime I see Christine her Skyactive little Tattoo on her rear, her soft smooth curvy waxed silver body, it's like love at first sight. But now she has a new trick Christine display the engine management light. Whats next a dread to think. Christine is due for her annual health check with Mazda .I think Christine knows as on the 04/05/20 Christine's battery died. I was heartbroken to say the least. I made that phone call you know the one, When all hope is lost and you've cried the last tear. Yes I phoned the AA. The knight in yellow shiny overalls came to my rescue, wiped away my tear from my tear stained skin with his black matt latex glove with the dried smell of old oil and car dust from the previous car rescue, and smiled. He looked into my eye with his bright ocean blue eyes and cropped brown hair and said "everything's is going to be alright" in a smooth softly spoken voice. He got his tools out flipped opened Christine's bonnet to show all her naked glory oh boy and what an engine she has. The AA man grappled with different wires which snaked around her Christines body. Then with his toned manly arms he wrestled the connecting crocodile clips onto Christines bare cold terminals of her innards Christine's is now hooked up to the battery monitor. I can't bear to watch I thought. He took her readings and looked up at me and shook his from side to side. I knew that look, its a look I've seen before. I put a brave smile on my face and asked for him to be straight up with the truth. "Its no good he said she's weak, very weak and about to die". "I have to move quickly on this one, if... I'm going to save her." "But I have a solution and its going to cost", "Tell me, tell me" I pleaded. My voice was rather weak and strained by now. "I can get her going again" he paused momentarily "but this means you'll have to wait for about an hour?" he said quizzingly. As I stood by Christine's dying shell, I know realise that no matter what she does I'm going to get her better no matter what the cost. The AA man told me me to wait at home as I handed him the fob to Christine life essence he said "this is not going to be pleasant." shaking his head "you dont need to see what I'm going to do." He hesitated for a moment, paused then said "but she wont feel a thing."" Tell you what." he quipped in a cheerier manner. "I will phone you when I'm done, how does that sound"." OK" I said in a sombre monotonal voice.

I was pacing up and and in on my wooden rustic oak floor. My heart racing, my pulse beating the fastest its ever beaten in its entire life, well apart from my first real kiss that is. Then just as I thought things have gone wrong the phone rang. I looked down, heart in my mouth and holding my breath. DADADADA DADADADA yes I still have an old shiney black well used Nokia n95. I answered shakaly "hi." The thoughts that were swimming around in my head, is she fixed, has he done it, what went wrong my head felt like a crowd of people all talking at once. "Hi" the reply back. Then, what seemed like an age he finally said it, "she's good to go". I took a moment, I had to take the news in. "I will be right there." not showing my happiness, my excitement in my voice. All the time in my head was moments of driving Christine up and down the motorway on hot sunny afternoons with oil for her and my sparkling water for me. My heart now pounding from excitement and not fear. I quickly raced down the steps leading to the roadside like Scrooge on Christmas morning. I was so happy I could sing. But I didn't. He explained what he had done in his buttery smooth voice. He checked the codes and they read p0101. The AA man said "this my be the cause of the the SCBS malfunction." but he couldnt be sure. I felt bad now all this time I was blaming Christine and all along she had a P code. Guilt swept across my face and a dark sorrowful blackness gathered in my head. He wrote his report out and suggested I get this checked under the Garage parts and repair scheme that I pay to the AA monthly. I know what you're thinking but I like to have the added safety for times like this and so far its paid for itself. I was advised to take it to Halfords and yes again I know what your thinking whilst im typing this...I dropped Cristine off driving her slow after all she was recovering from being on the brink of death and having her battery ripped for her bonnet. Again I handed the fob over. Took one last look and proceeded to walk home my head low heart in pieces. All alone again just like she was before I bought her. Many hours later the phone call. "Your car is ready" said the man. Upon arriving she was there standing proud in the car park. I swear it was like she was smiling, grinning but none the less she looked ready to be driven hard and fast. They said at Halfords that they checked the codes in car and nothing they could see was wrong. He said "that they have reset the codes the problems should be no more." They also said "it was probably the low battery and the replacement that caused SCBS."

Yes I thought, I've got my old Christine back, she's cured no more skittish behaviour all she needed was a reboot plenty of rest and TLC. I sat in Christine and breathed in that strong ouder of that all to familiar cherry scent. I exhaled and thought yes Christine this is going to be a new chapter together. I said to Christine "lets go for a drive like the good old times" I paused for a moment "You know, like before the time you nearly tried to kill me" "I may need to reset your I-Stop." I said. The sun was high the heat on my neck. and the windows slightly open. The wind had picked as I was accelerating on the hot motorway tarmac beneath her treads and was intertwining through my overgrown greyish brown hair. "Here is to the new you Christine" I chirped excitedly. The wind was by now starting to drown out the what I was saying. Then on came AC/DC Highway to Hell. Low and behold tonight the judder the dread, the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I knew what was about to happen Christine with her engine sounding like she was laughing her wing mirrors staring me in the face from both sides. The dreaded SCBS malfunction light came on. She was not cured nor was she she ready to be...........

So reading these forums I guess im stuck with this. Why cant I get car that just works for at least year. I work in the community and this is now becoming the devil on my shoulder the thorn in my side oh where is Edd China when you need him....any new advice in 2020? This is what lockdown has done to me hope you enjoyed the sense of humour for the SCBS Malfunction.....
 
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