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During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners asks the students, one by one, "Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?" she asked.

"Just a minute, I have to go piss."

The teacher replied, "That would be rude and impolite! What about you Sam, how would you say it?"

"I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom, I'll be right back."

The teacher responded, "That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the table. And you Johnny, are you able to use your intelligence for once and show your good manners?"

"I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment, I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine whom I hope you'll get to meet after dinner."
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The third-grade teacher was teaching English and repeated for her class:

"Mary had a little lamb, whose fleece was white as snow,
And everywhere that Mary went, the lamb was sure to go."

She explained this was an example of poetry, but could be changed to prose by changing the last line from "the lamb was sure to go" to "the lamb went with her."

A few days later, she asked for an example of poetry or prose. Johnny raised his hand and said,

"Mary had a little pig, An ornery little runt,
He stuck his nose in Mary's Clothes
And smelled her little . . ."

He stopped, turned to the teacher, and asked, "Do you want poetry or prose?"

"Prose!" the teacher said weakly.

So Johnny said, " . . . Asshole.

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A young girl in her school uniform is walking down the street, on the way home from school, when a teenage boy says, "Hey girl, I`ll give you $100 to climb up that tree."
The young girl agrees, climbs the tree, and collects her reward. When she gets home she tells her mother about the hundred dollars she recieved for climbing the tree.
Her mother replies by saying, "Never, ever, climb that tree again, that boy just wants to look at your panties."
The young girl promises she will never climb the tree again.
The next day on the way to school the young girl runs into the boy again, and this time he offers her five hunred.
She thinks a moment, and agrees. She climbs the tree and collects her money. When she gets home she brags to her mother about the five hundred she recieved just for climbing that tree.
Once again her mother tells her never to climb the tree again, for the boy only wants to see her panties.
The young girl responds, "Haha, I fooled him, I didn`t wear any!"

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A couple took their young son to the circus and when the elephants appeared, the boy seemed very intrigued by them.
"Mommy, what's that long thing on the elephant?" he asked.
"That's the elephant's trunk, dear," she replied.
"No, not that. What's that long thing that's hanging between the elephant's legs?" asked the boy. Embarrassed, the mother replied, "Oh, it's nothing, son." She then left to get some hot dogs and sodas.
While she was gone, the young boy turned to his father and asked, "Daddy, what's that long thing hanging between the elephant's legs?"
"That's the elephant's penis, son," explained the father.
"Well, why did mommy say it was nothing when I asked her?" the boy asked.
Taking a deep breath, the father proudly replied, "I've spoiled that woman, son!"

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Two women were talking about their new milkman.
First: He's very good looking, punctual & dresses so smartly.
And so quickly too!, said the other.
 
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